Bill Nye The Science Guy
Here's a nifty experiment you can try at home! First, get a large quantity of your favorite potable...maybe a few liters. ('Kay...) Pop the top on the first one -- you may want to get a grown-up to help you with this part (Right, Bill...) -- and flip to your local PBS station for the latest episode of Bill Nye, the Science Guy . Then follow the rules below. You may notice that the farther along the show gets, the more smashed you get. (Uh-huh...) Why is that? (I dunno...) Well, the ethyl alcohol in the potable gets absorbed into your blood stream, and the alcohol molecules get mixed around! [insert sloshing sound effect as Bill waves his hands] And those molecules starting killing off brain cells... [insert "ping! ping!" sound effect]
Instructions: What constitutes a "drink" is up to you. We'd recommend sipping -- the show moves fast and the small sips you take will likely get you quite smashed, considering that they're coming a few seconds apart each time. A good healthy porn-star-style swallow constitutes a "chug" for us, but again, depending on how insane you are, you may wish to polish off the glass or container. If you're a former frat-boy, and want to relive those old glory days of repeated vomiting and such, you may skip down to the optional rule at the bottom. Start immediately after the National Science Foundation funding blurb (though a celebratory toast for auld lang syne to the good ol' dear departed NSFNet, taken *during* the funding blurb, is perfectly acceptable).
- Any of the following segments comes on:
- "Check it Out!"
- "Consider the Following"
- "Clever Science Trick"
- "Did You Know That..."
- "Hey! Look at This!"
- "Nifty Home Experiment"
- "Try This"
- "Way Cool Scientist"
- or the music video.
- The theme song gets played. Drink again if it's with someone else's name in place of Bill's, like Boris or Candace.
- anyone mentions a "(fill in the blank) of Science!"
- any segment comes on entitled " (fill in the blank) or Not!" (such as "Alive or Not", "Magnetic or Not", etc.)
- anyone says "Science rules!"
- anyone says "Right, Bill..." or "Sure, Bill..."
- the TV-sitcom Mom says, "Richie, eat your crust!"
- anyone goes through the door to Nye Labs. Drink again if it leads directly outside, or they can't get it open on the first try.
- any line or action gets repeated three times (or more) in a row.
- your attention gets called to a pair of safety goggles.
- Someone tells you not to try this at home, or suggests that you get a grown-up to help you or do it for you. Drink again if Bill shows up at that point in the experiment as the "grown-up". Drink a third time if the kids doing the experiment exhibit doubts as to whether or not Bill actually counts a grown-up.
- someone wanders by in the background at the lab, doing something not at all related to the experiment.
- the film gets speeded up to get through the time-consuming part of an experiment.
- Pat, the announcer, starts his "Watch it! Careful! Oo! Ah! Ee!" spiel.
- Bill eats, drinks, or licks something in the lab.
- There's a recognizable spoof of a TV show or movie.
- There's a fake ad.
- Bill appears outside the lab in his lab coat and bowtie.
- A kid tells you what a country or locality is famous for.
- Bill blows something up.
- There's an oblique reference to Seattle (such as Bill wearing a Mariners cap, Bill looking through a telescope and seeing the Seattle skyline, Bill saying, "Here in the Pacific Northwest...")
- Anyone mixes baking soda and vinegar for any reason.
- Luna Van Dyne shows up. (Take the drinks just as she says, "It's from a Dutch word meaning...")
- Bill somehow injures himself with a globe (drops it on his foot, bonks himself in the head, etc.)
- Bill dresses in drag (such as Vivian Cupcake).
- Bill sings. (Note: two drinks may not be enough!)
- Bill flounders while explaining something. Drink a third time if he ends with, "Well, you know what I mean..." ("Uh-huh...")
- Bill loses it completely -- repeatedly screaming, wailing, or shouting at the camera at maximum volume (sometimes with echo) for two lines or more...such as "The Absolute Zero Hour". * * Drink a third time if Pat tries to snap him out of it ("Uh, Bill?...calm down, Bill...")
- Bill says the word "sex".
- Bill uses a Macintosh and/or destroys a PC, despite the fact that Microsoft is headquartered in Seattle ("Science rules!")
- The show ends with no outtakes.
The Optional Former Fratboy I-Absolutely-Must-Get-Drunk-Tonight Rule
- Drink whenever there's a sound effect.