Braveheart

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The Braveheart Drinking Game was developed many years ago, born of alcoholic tendencies and a love of a certain movie. The lads and I had just purchased a large amount of the finest Scottish ale (Busch Light) and were looking for a quick way to drink ourselves into yonder tomorrow and maybe wet our beds along the way. The result was a game that any drunkard could play regardless of how soaked his brain already was.

The rules are simple and straight-forward, although basic drinking skills are required. Communication is only necessary through grunts and hand Get ready to get rowdy! motions (this alone will take maximum effort half into the game.) However, it is encouraged that you and the lads and lasses recite appropriate lines in chorus, as this will add to your enjoyment and at times make your drunken self actually believe that you are in 13th century Scotland. The only materials required are approximately 16 12-oz cans of brew per participant, and a copy of the movie Braveheart. A pen and paper are also handy; however, if you can write legibly after one hour, you are not playing the game right.

Here are the basic rules:

Whenever a word or phrase from below is spoken by a character, drink the corresponding amount of drinks:

  • William - 1 drink
  • Wallace - 1 drink
  • Longshanks - 1 drink
  • Aye - 1 drink
  • Nor the now - 1 drink
  • Arguile - 2 drinks
  • Hammish - 2 drinks
  • And they will - 3 drinks
  • It's mine (Steven) - 3 drinks
  • Is it? (Longshanks) - 3 drinks
  • Carry on... (Longshanks' gay son) - 3 drinks
  • Some men are longer than others - 4 drinks
  • Answer the fookin' question - 4 drinks
  • Excellent - 5 drinks
  • Remedy - 5 drinks
  • The Anglish are tooo many - 5 drinks
  • Do it, and let the Anglish see ya do it - 5 drinks

In addition, at every fight scene numerous people are killed; and yes, it is only right that we drink to these lost warriors. As a result, you must tally up all the people that are killed in battle (by killed, it means that the actual mortal wounding of the person is shown.) If there is any doubt as to whether or not a blow is a mortal wound or not, drink anyway; you know you want to. Below are the averages for each of the three major battles. If your count is way off from these either: a.) grab a beer because you weren't paying attention, or b.) grab a beer because you are too drunk to count and there's not point in stopping now.

  • Town Uprising - 20 drinks
  • Falkirk - 50 drinks
  • Sterling - 40 drinks

By now you should be getting pretty schnookered, but you can't forget the most important drinking moment of all. That's right, when Wallace rides in on his horse all painted up, you better believe you're going to be boozing. You need to chug at least 2 beers during his "Sons of Scotland" speech; notice I said "at least," meaning most men such as myself will chug 3.

Finally, don't feel as though these are the only moments during the movie where you can drink. Feel free to add your own favorite quotes to the list and add some more challenges to the game.

Well that's about all there is to it! If you can complete the entire movie and are still able to form coherent grunts, Wallace himself would be proud. Just remember, "every man dies...not every man truly lives." And living is a lot more fun when you're loaded and watching Braveheart.